Relationship Decisions

I am no relationship expert but I want to share certain things about love and relationships. I hope this will benefit the readers.

For guys:

Being in love with someone and being in a relationship are completely two different things. You must be terrifically lucky if you have both and with the same girl. First, if you like someone, you need to know yourself. Is this what you want? But for what purpose? Does winning that person’s attention or heart make you happy? Fulfill any empty gaps? Enhance your macho feel? A chance to get a great friend, someone you can share your thoughts with? Complete you? So you call that love? Amazing.

Love relationships are considered so lightly, on an ad-hoc basis. The level of importance given in choosing your education, your job, your property or even the level of thought given on planning an outing is not applied when you make a decision to love a girl and be in a relationship with her. Why is that? Things related to heart does not require such detailed analysis, is it? Or nothing matters when she is with you? You are simply in seventh heaven thus you may fool yourself with the idea, “let the chips fall where they may.”

First and foremost guys, it’s a decision. A decision of the lives of two people. And you tend to get the major responsibility in deciding. Why do you think you love her? Is it that you like who she is, what she does, her mannerisms, attitude and ideas? Would you take her and be with her forever if she remains the same way? If you can give a strong yes, then I salute to you because that is what love is. Love is easy, it is calm, and it doesn’t demand anything.

But you would like her not to do a certain thing? Accept certain ideas of yours? Adjust to your opinion of what is right? Why is that? You would like to create a mirror version of yourself, isn’t it? So my question is, are you going to love your own self re-enacted in the body and mind of the girl you think you’re in love with?

Just make your reasons clear right at the start. What is that you are seeking for? Someone to call yours and be there for you or do you want to honour her with marriage and a forever commitment towards her? Because guys, a girl is just too vulnerable once she accepts you in her heart and unless you make things clear, you may be responsible for breaking a heart. You may simply be deluded, assuming this is the one true love of your life or you may deliberately play around for your selfish motives but remember if she is serious about having you throughout her life whereas you don’t intend to, you are going to forever lodge yourself in her life, even years afterwards. It will be a black mark in her soul, a burden she carries in her heart. Maybe it doesn’t matter to you, what happens to her afterwards, but guys, you are one powerful species and you have the duty to ensure these sort of things don’t happen around. I am certain you wouldn’t want your wife or future partner to carry such painful memories of another man so why would you be responsible for planting such memories in another woman’s mind? Can you justify it to yourself?

Before you decide to make promises, think a little bit about it and whether or not you can keep your word. Worried about your future? Career? Goals and success? What families would say? It is your life. You are one being, your thoughts and dreams and love makes up who you are. Prioritise. That’s all you have to do. Your family is of utmost importance but it is so tragic that this is the main reason for many break ups. Prioritise. If your love can not take priority, be a man, be brave to accept that it is going nowhere and tell her immediately. It’s ok. She might hate you now but one day she will thank you for being honest.

Try to do this before you start getting into a relationship. You have control over it. Maybe falling in love is not under your control but deciding what to do about it, definitely is. Be a strong man. Set the example for the next generation. Look at how things will work out, consider your other priorities, your families, your visions. Then decide. Decide whether you can give your complete self to the one you love, whether any circumstances, emotional blackmailing or stress can set you running away. If so, you are not strong enough to make promises to a girl.

For girls:

For all the girls who give up so much of herself to please the one you love, I admire you. But I really do feel sorry for the ones who did just that but were left broken nevertheless. You need to take pride in yourself. You need to see how blessed you are. You wouldn’t ever realize that unless the negative people move out of your lives.

But why would he demand so many things from you? Demanding not in a patronizing manner but sweet talk to you, so softly, so lovingly, promising you fairy tales while in return burning your dreams, your ambitions, goals and independence? Why is that you easily fall for it? They are beautiful illusions. He promises you a million things and the price you have to pay is give up things you like. So the relationship comes with a cost, isn’t it? Yet it’s a negligible price to pay for something so magical, isn’t it? Then the love he has for you….. is not free? If it’s from the heart, it’s free, isn’t it? If he asks so much, asks you to change for him, it’s coming from his mind, which is very smart in love accounting. So you pay a price, you give him a profit so he could show you fairy tales? This is a terrible piece of writing, I know, especially if you have a special person and you have accepted and rejected many things for him. Maybe you know this too but it doesn’t matter, because he does. But if you think, you will be happy letting go of yourself so much, at least read the signs.

Is he there for you? Are you his priority? Is he loyal? If you can confidently say yes to these basic questions, then you are the luckiest person on Earth. If one of this questions makes you uncomfortable, read the sign ahead and save yourself from a heartbreak, and worse, prevent the destruction of your life because if this doesn’t work out, it’s not just a love failure but remember, you will be stranded since you gave up so many dreams for him and you may be lost for a while. Evaluate the actions, not words. Any man can make promises. He can say he will do that, this, what not for you. He will say you’re his life, his soul, etc. But does he show that? Because if he does, then he is a real man and it’s completely ok to give up even your life for such a person, because he is a gem, a precious soul and you are blessed to have him in your heart and life. If not, back up now, before it’s too late.

Why do you let him destroy your self-confidence, your self-esteem and why does he make you so dependent on him despite your ability to do things for yourself? Why do you bend to his every whim? Does he make you a better person every day? Does he support your dreams and does he respect you? If he doesn’t, why do you still want him? Scared of the consequences? Scared to stand up for yourself? Perfectly true and natural especially if it was a long term relationship.

But just one advice, don’t give up your friends for love. He definitely has to be your best friend but friends are there for you when your love isn’t. Love may leave if you don’t bow down to all its stupid rules and conditions, it loves to hurt, and it enjoys tears. Such is its nature. Yet friendship doesn’t expect anything from you, it wants to heal you, be there for you, and take you as you are. It’s foolish to compare love and friendship but true friends are those who love you for who you are, with your strengths and weaknesses. They could be your family, your lover, your friends but they need to stay in your life. You may have to chase them off to please your love. But remember true love won’t hurt you in that manner. Friends are special and they are important. Don’t lose them because they will bring a smile on your face when all other things fail.

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